Monthly Archives: December 2009

The Debut Post

Greetings readers! I have officially taken the first big step towards “Super Blogger” status by purchasing my own domain and server space. It’ll only be a matter of time before Heather B. Armstrong of dooce.com herself is leaving comments on this very blog. Perez Hilton too, although (s)he wouldn’t be welcome.
Thus, all future postings about life, the outdoors, sexual maneuvers beyond the missionary, etc. will be on this site here, not that pool of closed minded highschoolers/college freshman that is Xanga. I’m kidding, and really I can’t even talk. My initial concept for this post was to compile a “Greatest Hits from Xanga”. To achieve this, I clicked the “Oldest” link on my Xanga and was taken all the way back to February 15, 2005 to my very first post. I then started working forward, searching for only the finest posts to include in my greatest hits post. Alas, I found myself more embarrassed by my old posts than impressed. Back then, I definitely fit into the aforementioned pool of sexual frustration, inner beauty, and unsolicited generalizations. Xanga, and its users, are great. It’s a collection of young minds expressing their concerns, beliefs, and opinions during the quest for higher knowledge and the transition from adolescence to adulthood. Although I may find my old posts embarrassing, they serve as landmarks on my own road to the real world, and I’m glad to have them. Therefore, on this new blog, I will continue to exhibit the same witty/cheesy, pushing-the-envelope, idiot-savant style of writing broken up with the occasional deep and thought-provoking remark. It’ll be somewhat profound, awkwardly funny, and above all, Absolutely Andrew.
(told you it’d be cheesy)

Barnes & Noble

So Tara and I were at Barnes & Noble last night.  I think one of the biggest reasons we like going there is what other store can you spend an hour in and not spend any money?  I find that store particularly amusing during the holidays.  In particular, their little “kits”.  “Hot Stone Massage Kit” $15.  Isn’t that just stones and a little booklet?  I could do that for free with a trip outside and google.  In a way, these kits are quite genius.  Lets face it:  A good number of people are going to be frantically perusing the store for gifts.  They come to the table with the kits, and look–there’s a paper snowflake kit!  “My sister likes origami, this is perfect!”  And without a second thought, they purchase a gift that will serve 5 to 10 minutes of enjoyment and then an additional item of clutter.  However, because it’s packaged in a cutsie way, it has that certain emotional impact that masks it’s relative uselessness.
Even better are the “mini kits” that line the checkout line.  A “love furtune cookie”, a tiny zen garden, and nothing says after-thought like a tiny bonsai tree that will never grow.  But its so cute though! Anyway, I digress.

We did have some purpose for being there other than burning an hour of our Friday evening so we wouldn’t be going to bed at 10: A wedding gift for a couple to supplement the registry gift.  I was hoping to find a book that might give a newlywed couple some much needed advice, if you know what I mean…  You know, something tasteful, subtle, but to the point.  We started in the relationships section.  I could immediately tell that we wouldn’t find anything here.  All these books seem to be by women for women.  “How to Understand Women” by Sarah Bell*: Chapter 1: Communication is Key, Ch. 2: Communicate, duh!, Ch. 3: Just Tell her how you feel…  There were of course some probably good books for building a successful marriage, but the couple probably had to read similar books for premarriage counseling, and I feel like giving a marriage book as a wedding gift sends a bit of a pessimistic message.
We moved on to the sex section, which conveniently flanks the relationships section.  This is sort of more what I was thinking: “365 sensual truth or dares”–oh, but it’s by Cosmo.  Forget it.  “The One Hour Orgasm”–probably not appropriate.  “How to Please Her”–beneficial, but I really don’t know him, so that would probably be awkward.  These are all too blunt.  Why is there no happy in between?  We decided to leave the couple to discover the sex section at B&N on their own after they get bored and he discovers that she is grossed out by the 3D animations on sexinfo101.com… 

Tara suggested finding a cook book.  This sounded like a great idea.  There has to be a cookbook geared for a newlywed couple.  Alas, the only book they had that was even remotely what we were looking for was called: “Bride and Groom: First and Forever Recipe Book” $35.  Screw that! 

It was then that we mutually hatched an idea for the best cook book ever.  It’s so good, I hesitate to post it on here lest someone take the idea, but I don’t plan on publishing a book any time soon, or ever, so here it is.  It’s called “Sex for Dessert” and its all simple-to-make recipes that involve brief preparation and then letting it cook unattened for anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour.  The premise being that the couple prepares it together and then goes off to do “other things” while it cooks and then comes back later to enjoy it.  The book could also have “activity suggestions” that pair well with the food.  Epic book idea?  I thought so.  If anybody knows of such a book that already exists please let me know–I’d probably be interested.

Also, please don’t spell check this post.  Firefox is being dumb and not putting the red lines under mispelled words for me, and you all know how my spelling is.  I’m an engineer people!  I only have to spell things like: for, while, if, int, char, volatile, etc.

*Made-up author