1. Discuss whether you will be brushing teeth before or after.
2. Gym, shower, beer, and Red Box movie is a perfect Friday evening.
3. Split off from your family at the mall to go into Victoria’s Secret with your wife.
4. Look at lingerie in VS and be 100% comfortable with it.
5. Call for a timeout during foreplay to go fart in the other room. Better safe than sorry, right?
6. Send a text to your sister-in-law that simply says “Pooping” for absolutely no reason.
7. Call your wife’s office and become a strange combination of giddy, proud, and aroused when she answers in her professional voice.
8. Miss home even on a one-nighter with the guys.
9. Get excited about 500 thread count sheets.
10. You actually use your wine stoppers.
11. You realize there really is such a thing as being too tired.