Things You Do When You’re Married (that you didn’t before):


1.  Discuss whether you will be brushing teeth before or after.

2.  Gym, shower, beer, and Red Box movie is a perfect Friday evening.

3.  Split off from your family at the mall to go into Victoria’s Secret with your wife.

4.  Look at lingerie in VS and be 100% comfortable with it.

5.  Call for a timeout during foreplay to go fart in the other room.  Better safe than sorry, right?

6.  Send a text to your sister-in-law that simply says “Pooping” for absolutely no reason.

7.  Call your wife’s office and become a strange combination of giddy, proud, and aroused when she answers in her professional voice.

8.  Miss home even on a one-nighter with the guys.

9.  Get excited about 500 thread count sheets.

10.  You actually use your wine stoppers.

11.  You realize there really is such a thing as being too tired.

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